I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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