Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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