i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You ruined the universe
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
