We're facebook friends in real life
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
