My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
