sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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