I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Are we still banned from the library?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
