I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
