Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
