He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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