It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
