Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I supernannyed him into submission
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
