Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
