eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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