i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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