Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You pole danced in your parka.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
