i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
