i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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