OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
