Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
