K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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