Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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