Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
