I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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