whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The feeling are messing with the penis
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
