I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
