were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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