i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
