I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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