he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
