i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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