I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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