Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
