I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My butt remains clenched, sir.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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