I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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