I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
