i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
