what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
