girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
