Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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