I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
