I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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