...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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