tell your sister to shave her snatch
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
