I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
