Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
