Just fell off a train. Bad.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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