margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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