I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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