dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
She's like a pop up book from hell.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
