A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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