Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Randomize
