so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
