go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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